This is just a preemptive announce. In the next days, weeks or months the path I’ve traced by wandering aimlessly along these years could reach an end and I could walk away and vanish in a similar way as I arrived, without being noticed and without the need of drama. Maybe it will be another false alarm and I’ll be still around here writing about the same arguments in my odd style, maybe not. I’m the first to be unaware about what will happen and I don’t know which possibility scares me more. The reasons this time aren’t about a feeling of frustration that many times brought me near the decision to “give up”. About what? I don’t know. I still have an e-mail from Lum where he wrote: “I guess what you need to determine is what you want to accomplish with your writing”. I still have no clue.

But as I said this isn’t the usual pattern and this time the choice depends more on personal reasons and my concrete situation. I do not know if I can afford anymore the dedication I had for all this time. If something around me is going to change, a lot of what I do and I am will easily crumble. Everything you do has a cost somewhere and I guess I’m going to have to pay mine even if I don’t really want to.

When it’s time to conclude something, it is natural to look back and draw some general considerations, see what I was able to achieve, see what it could have been possible… Well, I don’t have much to say right now. I don’t think I’ve been of any use. Not only for the impact and interest that what I write causes, but useless also for myself in the first place. Some other times I feel satisified, instead. Like if I was able to write everything I needed to. I think I just enjoyed to play for some time with a position that doesn’t belong to me and that I cannot really afford. I’m a stranger or a ghost.

However, I do not regret or blame anything. It has just been an odd path leading nowhere. A quirk.

EDIT- I closed the comments because I don’t intend to be pathetic or suggest a discussion about these points. There isn’t really anything to say from my point of view, everyone just takes what he wants.