I knew I should have closed the site when I had decided to.
If this is another bluff then I’d be glad, but for sure it’s not planned nor deliberate. So here I stop again. In the last couple of months I wrote less, but I gave up to the urge in many cases. This time I doubt I’ll write, no matter how big the news or short the comment. We’ll see. Maybe just another bluff.
I’m sorry for the few readers I have and even more sorry to see my own efforts come down to nothing.
Well, going back I’d still make the same choices. Please no comments, because after the third time they would be inappropriate.
EDIT: So it looks like this isn’t going to be a bluff (things are unsure even for me). I take the occasion of an e-mail to repeat in short the reasons of the “I quit”, so they can stay up here.
I’ve written during the “original stop intention” (September 12) the reasons why I decided to stop.
It’s not because I’m not having fun anymore writing, but because I want to do it even more. I want it to lead somewhere, to be fruitful. I want to continue to learn and dedicate myself to it. I want to be part of it.
So more than a desire to do something else, I have the desire to persist. The problem here is just in the unwanted conflict between what I’d like to do and what I have to do. My “real” life asks me to betray my desires, because they lead nowhere and are that kind of childish wishes that should die as soon as possible.
I am the dreamer, I’m the one who chases the impossible. That’s why I lasted more and did much more than what was intended. But I’m also on a point where I don’t seem to have that luxury of choice anymore. I’m not anymore a kid, need to find a job, find something to do that is in the realm of “realistic” and all that. Even if it doesn’t correspond to what I want for myself.
I also don’t accept compromises. I don’t accept to write about games as an hobby. I don’t accept to do it in my spare time. I won’t let the site slowly decline because I have to do something else.
So. Or I continue (and this path seems closed now), or I betray myself.