The Biggest Collective Masturbatory Act Ever

The Giant Fucking Grind:

After a short series of initial quests, players will get a quest from an NPC in either Orgrimaar or Ironforge. The NPC tells them that opening the AQ gates is a realm-wide task of accumulated turn-ins across both factions. The NPCs will also tell you how many more of each item still must be turned in whenever you check in with them.

Full List of turn-in requirements for both factions:

90,000 Copper Bars – BOTH SIDES
22,000 Tin Bars – HORDE ONLY
28,000 Iron Bars – ALLIANCE ONLY
18,000 Mithril Bars – HORDE ONLY
24,000 Thorium Bars – ALLIANCE ONLY

96,000 Peacebloom – HORDE ONLY
19,000 Firebloom – HORDE ONLY
26,000 Purple Lotus – BOTH SIDES
20,000 Arthas Tears – ALLIANCE ONLY
33.000 Stranglekelp – ALLIANCE ONLY

180,000 Light Leather – ALLIANCE ONLY
110,000 Medium Leather – ALLIANCE ONLY
60,000 Heavy Leather – HORDE ONLY
80,000 Thick Leather – BOTH SIDES
60,000 Rugged Leather – HORDE ONLY

10,000 Lean Wolf Steaks – HORDE ONLY
20,000 Roast Raptor – ALLIANCE ONLY
14,000 Rainbow Fin Albacore – ALLIANCE ONLY
17,000 Spotted Yellowtail – BOTH SIDES
10,000 Baked Salmon – HORDE ONLY

800,000 Linen Bandages – ALLIANCE ONLY
600,000 Silk Bandages – ALLIANCE ONLY
250,000 Wool Bandages – HORDE ONLY
250,000 Mageweave Bandages – HORDE ONLY
400,000 Runecloth Bandages – BOTH SIDES

Each turn-in gets rep with every race of your faction; each turn-in of 10 or more gets extra rep.

When done the Scepter quest is activated. I believe this is the quest that finally opens the gates.

Some funny comments after the patch:

I heard a rumor that the next world event is a factionwide push to paypal enough money to a gold farmer in order to “Expand the Bottomline.” Is bottomline some sort of new faction?

Seriously fuck you Blizzard. This has got to be one of the stupidest things I have ever seen in an MMO. If they think I am going to help collect 800,000 Runecloth and just dump it all on an NPC, they can suck a big fat dick.

Did blizzard say earlier that the gates would open eventually on their own? Word around my server today was screw it let it happen in a month or two it’s not worth it.

Pity the new person who wants to level stuff such as tailoring or skinning now.

Artificial, cockblocky bullshit as a way to encourage force me to appreciate the “world changing” content more doesn’t make that artificial, cockblocky bullshit fun for me.

Gloating about how artificial and cockblocky it is, now that’s fun!

WoW, taking poopsock grinding catassing to all new levels!


This is probably the biggest grind ever designed.

Only a genius could have imagined something like this. I want a medal for him. I also heard that the mats will be used to build a Babel Tower shaped as a dick right in the middle of Stromwind. The server that will open the gates first will have the biggest one and it will go up till above the clouds.

Seriously, I really don’t see how someone who isn’t completely ill could be interested in this sort of thing. Design-wise it’s probably the most retarted idea ever. Ingenuous, considering that the “cool factor” is completely about the scale and nothing else. It’s big, huge. But it’s empty. The true meaning of “inflated”. The design naiveness of a total noob. Like the multimillion scores on a pingball. The sense of greed just because of it. A big, fat dick.

But then I also have no faith in the humanity and predict that the gates will open on the first server in less than a week.

Factional rewards, extra loot, and the opening of Ahn’Quiraj.

I don’t believe the extra loot would be motivating enough or this would turn into a massive dupe when it is instead mostly aimed to remove “leftovers” from the economy. If you are cashing more than what you are spending, and if every player is in the same situation, this event would be enough to break the game. So I consider it more like a lottery, where there’s a minority that will receive some good loot and make some cash, while most of the players will waste more than what is returning back to them.

People still have the old habit to confuse the journey with the destination and here the journey pretty much sucks if it isn’t for the reward. This just doesn’t add anything worthwhile to the game that isn’t self-motivated.

I don’t find a “massive farming event” something that motivates me to play or make me enjoy doing it. So I avoid it.

I will be damned if I put even a copper bar into that :)

The only *valuable* element in the whole mechanic is the server participation that builds identity. But there were many better ways to implement something similar and still add something worthwhile to the game instead of an inflated, exalted grind.

And this is not even all because the grind seems to not stop with the opening of the gates. It seems that most of the loot in the two raid dungeons is also attached to a massive factional grind. Instead of starting from “Neutral” as it happened for example with Zul’Gurub, this time you start from “Hated”:

Brood of Nozdormu 0/36000 Hated

Long way to climb up till “exalted”.

As I said, an exalted grind. They polished it nicely but this doesn’t change what it is.

On the other side, this is what I read from the other forum:

There is a HUGEASS laundry list of quests and the like that must be done for the Brood of Noztdramu (sp?) (Bronze Dragon Flight) in order to open the gates, many of which require retrieving items from such places as BWL, MC, the Stormwind Royal Library (thats right, Horde Raids on Stormwind). and other things, as well as insane grindage to faction up your reputation with the Brood.

I tried to think about something barely interesting released by Blizzard in this last year. But I really couldn’t find anything. Some encounters in Zul-Gurub, maybe. Imho the game has started going downhill since E3 2004. What made it successful was already there before that date.

Can you think of a moderately significant feature that actually offered something worthwhile to the game? I’m asking seriously.

Beside this, there are enough bad bugs to make everyone happy. In short, the mail system is broken (cannot retrieve items), the auction house is broken (disconnecting people and crashing), the BattleGrounds are broken (mass crashing people out of the game and flagging them as ‘deserter’ when they are back, stuns not working, high level players in low-level BGs due to queues inconsistences between the alts, ‘deserted’ flag applied to all the players if an instance ends without a winner), the guilds are broken (cannot invite) and some raid encounters in Molten Core (banish doesn’t work anymore, traps don’t work) and Zul’Gurub (the stuns crash the client) are broken too.

Your lovely UI mods are also broken, but that’s a given. (mine included, they disabled it. I have kind words for you today)

The low level players are enjoying the new influx of high levels mass-farming their stuff. With the prices in the AH skyrocketing it’s a nice day for them.

EDIT- There’s a list of bugs about the patch here. Fun.

I was also pleased to experience this one:

# Warriors once again have a huge problem that causes them to go out-of-synch with the server. When you charge, or basically use any other skills, your computer goes out of synch with the server. For instance, causing you to have a breath meter and continue losing breath long after you have exited the water.

I was in the water for two seconds for a pull and the breath meter didn’t stop till I died. Repair fun.

I also confirm that the Warrior sword specialization (talent) is still broken and that the “Retaliation” skill had a HUGE UNDOCUMENTED PvP NERF. It was the most powerful skill available (30 min cooldown) and now basically useless in PvP because they added to it a GARISH graphical effect, making it simply too evident to not detect and easily avoid.

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13 thoughts on “The Biggest Collective Masturbatory Act Ever

  1. Son of a bitch. I already have enough problems finding ore for my miner/engineer. Oh well — my tailor/enchanter needs more silk and mageweave anyways. Might as well do that.

    I was already dreading the “Farming of the Runecloth” bit I’ll have to do later (my dwarf hunter wants a Night Elf mount). This is just ridiculous.

    It’s only saving grace is that at least it’s a one-time event. It’s not like the server has to farm that weekly or something.

  2. “I was already dreading the “Farming of the Runecloth” bit I’ll have to do later (my dwarf hunter wants a Night Elf mount). This is just ridiculous.”

    if you do the runecloth bandage turn in for the war effort you’ll get 3x the faction per stack of 20 runecloth… i fail to see how that is rediculous. but it would be too easy to check into things more before talkin trash on them i suppose.

  3. I am reminded of a great Robin Williams stand up skit on the scottish inventing golf. If you’ve never heard/seen it, google for it and get ready for some serious humor (LOTS of swearing).

    Anyway, I’m thinking the development cycle at Blizzard went something like:

    – Man, this is a great patch. Players will love the fixes, new loot and raiding for it when they want
    – Fuck the players! We’re going to make it so that they can only raid the dungeon when we tell them they can raid the dungeon.

    – Oh, so like DAoC where we simply reset the dungeon and then the players can get in?
    – Fuck no! We’ll make them collect all kinds of shit before they can open the gates.

    – Oh, so like a collection quest?
    – Fuck off collection quest! We’ll make it so that high players have to go all over the realm to collect thousands upon thousands of items. Oh, that’s fucking great. We’ll make the quest realm wide since even the low level characters are screwed as the high level players kill all their mobs for items.

    – And you do this one time?
    – Fuck no! They have to do this everytime we reset the dungeon. But we’ll give each player some reputation and a green item when they hand something in, just to give them fucking hope.

  4. A Tale in the Desert features the Test of the Megalopolis, a massive building effort for its own sake. Actually, most of the discipline of Architecture is like that.

    I have no idea how Horizons worked out empire structures and unlocking new races/content. The original idea sounded something like this, but very little from any of the design documents made it live. It burns my tongue to speak of it.

  5. While there isn’t anything specific to be gained from having maximum reputation with a main city faction, wouldn’t the fact that players can turn in resources to earn more than normal reputation be enough of a reward? You used to be able to get 50 Reputation for 20 Runecloth. While this AQ War Effort is going on, you can get 75 now. Similar gains can be had through other resources. Sure it is a huge grind, but there are rewards for the players that actually care about it.

  6. Yes, it’s called “carrot on a stick”.

    Or what I define “self-motivated” design. A redundant reason (excuse) that works only if you are already in the loop of the game.

    From the outside there’s no reason to be interested in this sort of grind, while, for the players already involved, Blizzard attached a self-excused reward that works like an artificial motivation.

    It’s like when you use a drug because of how it make you feel, till the point where the drug takes over and will dictate your behaviour and your values directly to you.

    I consider this type of the design the most damaging possible for a game.

    Again, it doesn’t add anything to the game, it doesn’t contribute with anything. It’s just another excuse to strain a model that just doesn’t work (see all the recent articles Raph wrote).

    It’s an inflated joke. They are selling you an empty box, and they are doing this very well.

    As I wrote on another forum right now Blizzard pretty much “won” the market. They can fed every sort of crap to the players and they’ll surely swallow it because they got captured in the loop. The game now excuses itself. It feeds itself. You don’t play anymore because you see a value. The game itself plays YOU by dictating what you value.

    They will be able to do this till WoW will be the king. All the players are there, all your friends are there. If you want to participate you need to adapt to the rules set by someone else (see Darniaq’s comment). Or you are left out. The “mass-market” has this type of impact: it dictates what you like and how you behave. It influences you.

    Here Blizzard built a pact with the players, this is why they are breaking every record. They triggered a loop. Right now they have an exposition that just cannot be paralleled.

    And considering the current status of the industry I also believe that they will be safe for a few years, no matter how much they fuck up the game. This would be the very best moment for another company move ahead and anticipate some trends, but what happens? That the whole industry now envies WoW and drools over it. They all want to jump in the same bandwagon.

    Even the developers and the journalists are falling for this. They hope to get hired or be part of this in some way. Get exclusives for the magazines. It’s basically impossible to have impartial opinions and make them have a value. Because WoW is the king and everyone wants to worship it and be serviceable to not be excluded. It’s the general hypocrisy that has always been there. Kissing asses because you don’t want to be out.

    WoW here broke the industry. It has the power to determine what everyone else will do.

  7. I generally don’t condemn anyone for poor decisions in game design, but this is really a bad idea. It honestly doesn’t even look good on paper. Most bad design decisions that are made look good on paper, or at least in concept, then end up playing out poorly. I just don’t see why they would even consider implementing such an event. Lesson learned, I guess.

    GG, Nerfbat

  8. The problem is that it will hard to point this out as something gone wrong.

    It’s not as obvious as it appears, there are lots of tricks involved and again there isn’t an evidence of a “lesson learnt”. Quite the opposite, I’m sure Blizzard is overly happy about what they did.

    That’s the point: when the industry is starting to learn the wrong lessons.

    Right now Blizzard is in the position to impose its own rules and make them accepted by everyone. Again, this is what the mass-market is.

    They are untouchable.

  9. Judging from my friends list — not a single powergamer among them (anything but, in fact), it appears the “Carrot on a stick” part got several of them involved.

    I talked to 6 or 7 of my friends last night, and all but one of them had turned in some items they had sitting around. (I planned to myself, but WoW seems to be having login issues — I have some iron bars taking up inventory room and hadn’t gotten around to selling them).

    Of the ones doing it, about half were doing it for the shiny presents. The other half needed faction with one group or another, and were doing it for that.

    Which was my reason for donating some exceess iron and silk bandages — I need Night Elf faction, because my dwarf hunter wants a Night Elf mount.

  10. not to mention the fact that in doing this you’ll also get a random item lvl 50-55 which can even be rare or epic…. but hell, go turn in the cloth stacks in darnassus for nothing but a little faction and waste all that money, that sounds better anyways.

  11. Which reiterates a previous point that, although people outside the game may not care too much, those who play the game will find this to be bonus reputation for turning in resources. So, a special time where main city faction can be earned much faster than normally.

  12. Sadly, I don’t even loot runecloth yet — I’m talking a few months down the line. I’m only level 39 with that character. However, I do have a bunch of stuff cluttering my bank I’ll probably turn in.

  13. well turn in whatever you can for your lvl, and turn in the tokens 10 at a time while the opportunity is there to earn faction at an increased rate. it takes forever with the regular turn ins of cloth, use this while you can. plus you’ll get some items to sell, some scroll to buff yourself anor sell, and help your server open aq faster.

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